Monday, August 09, 2010

I'm Not Dead Yet!!!

With apologies to Monty Python - "I'm not dead Yet".

Sure it may seem that way since I only seem to be able to post on this blog about once a month. I want to write more, really I do.

So why don't I write. Its not like I have a lot to say right now. Its just that most of what is going on in my head is so jumbled up that it never makes sense when it shows up on the screen in front of me. The rest of what is going on in my head is stuff that I really don't want to talk about here.

There is so much I could be ranting and raving about politically that I don't even know where to start. I am so disgusted by what is happening in this country that I can not adequately express myself about it. Every time I start talking about our socialist president, his facist race baiting staff, and elitist self serving progressives that have taken over congress I start ranting and raving and end up sounding like some radical whacko. So I try not to talk about it too much. First off not being able to control my emotions about this makes me sound silly or stupid. Also I am in so many ways so depressed at the damage being done to this country. We are hemmoraging freedoms on a daily basis. Unfortunately the blame for this problem is spread pretty evenly between both political parties. There are many days that I think the only way to stop this death spiral that we are in is to clean house - every single elected official in Washington has to go. The democrats have an agenda that is going to lead to the destruction of everything that made this country great. The Republicans are not serious about stopping them.

So I have been avoiding writing about politics. I have avoided reading many of the political blogs I used to read, I avoid the news since they have sold out what little integrity they had when they stopped reporting the news and started trying to make the news.

My other favorite topic to write about here was my volleyball club. But late in the season this last year my team of 7 girls gathered around me during a team meeting at the end of a tournament - then encouraged by their parents they unloaded on me with a long list of complaints about me as a coach, then they all quit.

I have struggled a lot with this. Three of those girls are three of the original 8 girls that I started this club for. I know that we had some trouble this year. It was a tough year for most of my players. They weren't little girls any more and they really struggled trying to make the transition from little girls who just play volleyball for fun and athletes who find their fun in playing volleyball well.

Since they all quit I have been riding a roller coaster of emotions. One day I am ready to get back out of the court and start coaching again. The next day I start thinking that I should just walk away from the game and never coach again. If I can push girls who loved playing volleyball as much as those girls did to quit, then why would I ever walk out on the court with another group of young athletes.

Things are getting really bad now, the middle school season volleyball season starts again in a few weeks and I am not sure how that is going to go. I asked the Principal to find another coach to take my place this year. But she didn't so I am in a situation where I have to either leave those girls without a coach for the season. Or I stick them with a coach that they may be much better off without.

I have a lot of friends, family, coaches and other club administrators who all are very quick to tell me that what happened was not my fault. But that has not been much help because not one of those people have ever experienced something like this. Sure every coach has to deal with athletes that quit, or leave the game. But I don't know of one that lost an entire team before. If these girls had left because they didn't enjoy the game, or had other interests or such I would be a lot better off. But the only complaints they had were personal ones about me.

So there, I wrote a lot more about that than I ever wanted to. So I am trying to listen to my friends and let my head make the decisions here. But my broken heart keeps getting in the way and right now my head isn't ready to over rule my heart.

I guess I could start writing about our new family hobby. About 6 months ago my daughter started cowboy action shooting. Then three months later my son started. Last month I finally got my rear in gear and gave it a try myself. We have been having a lot of fun with it. So I'll try and write more about it later.