Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Marriage Advice

Mark Daniels who authors the blog - Better Living: Thoughts from Mark Daniels is celebrating his 31st anniversary. He has posted a list of 10 things that he has learned from his marriage. Good Advice there, go read it.

Now that said, I've only been married 16 years but I think he may have missed a few things. Several years ago My dear wife and I were invited to a friend's informal wedding reception and asked, as one of the few married couples, to give the bride and groom a few words of advice. We tried to be humorous while offering advice. This is what we told them:

For the Groom:
1. Never let her go to bed angry - you're defenseless when you sleep.
2. Don't let her know that you think your couch is comfortable - or you'll be sleeping on the patio.
3. If she says, "Do whatever you want to" - You'd better figure out what it is she wants you to do.
4. "Do it when you get a minute" - Means "It should have been done already, and without me telling you."
5. Any meal you don't have to cook is a good one. If you don't have to cleanup - it's a great one.
6. Don't expect a night out with the guys - unless you're willing to let her have a night out with them also.
7. When you say "I do" she owns you from the nose down. What you think, and look at, is your own business.
8. What you think, and look at, can still get you in trouble - if she catches you thinking it, or looking at it.
9. Learn to change diapers, and feed babies.
10. The best gift a man can give his children - is to show them how much he loves their mother.
11. The second best gift he can give them - is his time.
12. There is no right answer to: "Does this make me look fat?" If she thought it looked okay she wouldn't be asking.
13. If you go shopping with her, she will always leave you alone in the bra and panty section - Don't Browse.
14. Don't ever criticize your wife in public - the world should know that you believe she is perfect.
15. Don't fight or argue over the little stuff. It is never worth the effort.
16. Tell her you love her, buy her jewelry, and rub her feet. Everything else is little stuff.

For the Bride:
1. When he asks if he can change channels - no matter how you answer, it sounds like "yes".
2. If he asks you what he should wear - He really wants you to say "Your jeans and Bear Whiz Beer T-shirt".
3. "Would you be mad if I decided to......." - means he already did it, and doesn't know how to hide it.
4. Men don't spend money on expensive toys just to make you mad - it's genetic, they can't help it.
5. If you ask his opinion, and he says "I don't care", or "I don't know" - he really doesn't care, or know.
6. Let him pretend he's in charge. It may take him 5 or more years to figure out that he isn't. By then, it's too late.
7. If you catch him sneaking a peak at another woman - let him. If he just stares - smack the snot out of him.
8. The way to a man's heart is not through his stomach - you'll get further with back rubs, or new golf clubs.
9. Yes, a man really can decide if he wants to watch a TV channel in less than 1 second.
10 Criteria for stopping while channel surfing: 1) women in bikinis, 2) a karate fight scene, 3) a truck commercial.
11. Men don't have to know the rules of a sporting event to enjoy watching it.
12 Don't ever criticize your husband in public - the world should know that you believe that he tries really hard.
13. Men really believe that: mowing the lawn, changing the oil, and reading the paper, is doing their fair share.
14. Don't let him plan your summer vacation. Unless you really like Bar-B-Qing in your own backyard.
15. Don't fight or argue over the little stuff. It's never worth the effort.
16. Tell him you love him, scratch his back, and let him have the remote. Everything else is little stuff.


Mark Daniels said...

This is really terrific stuff and I linked to it on my blog!

Mark Daniels said...

It's been almost two years since you posted this piece, with its link to my post from back then. To this day, an average of two to three people venture to my blog from this link. Obviously, in spite of the beating marriage takes in public conversation, people are still interested in the topic and in having good marriages.

Thanks again for your link.

Blessings in Christ,
Mark Daniels

David said...


I am constantly amazed that this list gets anywhere from 2 to 20 hits a day. Most of them from search engines searching on "advice for the groom/bride." But I regularly get readers finding this page from the link on your site.

I haven't done an actual analysis of the hit counts but would hazard a guess that this one page accounts for about 20 percent of my readership.

Yet for all those hits, only you have ever posted a comment.

Its a good thing I don't worry that much about total hits, comments and stuff like that for my blog. Otherwise I might get depressed and quit writing.

Thank you for your comments, the link and your entertaining blog.

Anonymous said...

I'll add one as well. ;0) I love this list, and plan to send most of it to my newly engaged sister. Thank you!

haggaret said...

Thanks for sharing. Was looking for some humourous marriage advice to include in speech as MC of a wedding and some of this stuff is gold! If/when I post about the experience, I'll be sure to link back to your site...

Christine said...

I am Master of ceremonies at a friend's wedding and this is THE list I will be getting alot of my material from. I have been searching for weeks for some good material and it was right here all along.

krishna kashyap av said...

Fabulous truth and these words
seem perfectly correct.
no other advise can beat this
one. Thanks for sharing.
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Anonymous said...

Just dropped into your blog, recognized the location, Ridgecrest. Been there a number of times in the last four years.

Wife and I got a laugh at your Marriage Advice. Though my list is smaller and simpler:
1. Yes Dear always works.
2. I can be right, or I can be happy.
3. What's hers is hers, and what is mine is hers.

Don't melt out there..l

Gary Christ said...

Excellent marriage advice post. Thanks for sharing such a valuable post

damian said...

Great tips for the bride and groom

african girl said...

This is really an awesome tips! I'm gonna bookmark this one and surely will remember it when I get married! Thanks for sharing this stuff it really helps me alot.

victor ofuasia said...

Hi Daniel,
I love your marriage tips, and i have just shared one of your writings to my readers.