Marriage Advice

Mark Daniels who authors the blog - Better Living: Thoughts from Mark Daniels is celebrating his 31st anniversary. He has posted a list of 10 things that he has learned from his marriage. Good Advice there, go read it.

Now that said, I've only been married 16 years but I think he may have missed a few things. Several years ago My dear wife and I were invited to a friend's informal wedding reception and asked, as one of the few married couples, to give the bride and groom a few words of advice. We tried to be humorous while offering advice. This is what we told them:

For the Groom:
1. Never let her go to bed angry - you're defenseless when you sleep.
2. Don't let her know that you think your couch is comfortable - or you'll be sleeping on the patio.
3. If she says, "Do whatever you want to" - You'd better figure out what it is she wants you to do.
4. "Do it when you get a minute" - Means "It should have been done already, and without me telling you."
5. Any meal you don't have to cook is a good one. If you don't have to cleanup - it's a great one.
6. Don't expect a night out with the guys - unless you're willing to let her have a night out with them also.
7. When you say "I do" she owns you from the nose down. What you think, and look at, is your own business.
8. What you think, and look at, can still get you in trouble - if she catches you thinking it, or looking at it.
9. Learn to change diapers, and feed babies.
10. The best gift a man can give his children - is to show them how much he loves their mother.
11. The second best gift he can give them - is his time.
12. There is no right answer to: "Does this make me look fat?" If she thought it looked okay she wouldn't be asking.
13. If you go shopping with her, she will always leave you alone in the bra and panty section - Don't Browse.
14. Don't ever criticize your wife in public - the world should know that you believe she is perfect.
15. Don't fight or argue over the little stuff. It is never worth the effort.
16. Tell her you love her, buy her jewelry, and rub her feet. Everything else is little stuff.

For the Bride:
1. When he asks if he can change channels - no matter how you answer, it sounds like "yes".
2. If he asks you what he should wear - He really wants you to say "Your jeans and Bear Whiz Beer T-shirt".
3. "Would you be mad if I decided to......." - means he already did it, and doesn't know how to hide it.
4. Men don't spend money on expensive toys just to make you mad - it's genetic, they can't help it.
5. If you ask his opinion, and he says "I don't care", or "I don't know" - he really doesn't care, or know.
6. Let him pretend he's in charge. It may take him 5 or more years to figure out that he isn't. By then, it's too late.
7. If you catch him sneaking a peak at another woman - let him. If he just stares - smack the snot out of him.
8. The way to a man's heart is not through his stomach - you'll get further with back rubs, or new golf clubs.
9. Yes, a man really can decide if he wants to watch a TV channel in less than 1 second.
10 Criteria for stopping while channel surfing: 1) women in bikinis, 2) a karate fight scene, 3) a truck commercial.
11. Men don't have to know the rules of a sporting event to enjoy watching it.
12 Don't ever criticize your husband in public - the world should know that you believe that he tries really hard.
13. Men really believe that: mowing the lawn, changing the oil, and reading the paper, is doing their fair share.
14. Don't let him plan your summer vacation. Unless you really like Bar-B-Qing in your own backyard.
15. Don't fight or argue over the little stuff. It's never worth the effort.
16. Tell him you love him, scratch his back, and let him have the remote. Everything else is little stuff.