Sunday, March 05, 2006

Academy Awards Predictions

Tonight is the 78th Annual Academy Awards Ceremony. There are a lot of predictions floating around as to who is going to win the awards. So I figured I would make a few Oscar predictions of my own.

1. I predict that neither I nor anyone in my home will watch the Oscars Award Ceremony tonight. From a sense of morbid curiosity my dear wife and I may tune into the pregame show just to see what kind of clown suits the "stars" are wearing. But you can rest assured that once the awards portion actually starts, we won't be watching.

2. I predict that the big winners of tonight's ceremony will be the people who don't waste 3 hours of their life watching a bunch of out of touch fakers pretend that they are an important part of our lives.

3. I predict that the big losers of tonight's ceremony will be the movie studios who just don't understand that they are telling us are the best of the year are all movies that none of us paid to see. There are 54 different films nominated for awards this evening. Do you know how many of them some member of my family paid to see in the theaters this year? - 3. One additional movie we rented on DVD. Making our total viewership of of Oscar nominated films 4 out of 54, or 7.4%.

4. I predict that sometime during the Oscar's Ceremony this evening some brain dead actor or actress is going to stand up announce to the audience "I hate this country, I hate all you ignorant rednecks, and I wish you would all die." OK they might not use those exact words. But that will be their general meaning.

So there are my Oscar predictions. If you didn't get the hidden meanings there I'll spell it out for you. My family and I don't go to the movies much anymore. We used to go a lot. While dating and before we had kids my dear wife and I would go to the movies almost every saturday afternoon. But we don't do that anymore. The two main reasons are that first off there is so few movies being released that we have even a passing interest in seeing. Secondly it is just to expensive. For a family of 5 to attend an afternoon matinee costs $30.00. That is just more than we are usually willing to pay for less than two hours entertainment.

This is unfortunate because my family really likes movies. We spend at least 2 or 3 nights a week having a family movie night. If the kids get their homework done we will eat dinner in the living room, while watching a movie. So what do we watch? We will pick one of the many DVDs we own, or we will watch some movie that I have TIVOed for just such an occasion. We watch a lot of movies off the Turner Classics Channel. We used to watch a lot of American Movie Classics. But since they added commercials and don't show the moives letterboxed we have stopped watching them also.

If you are looking for an alternative to the Oscar's this evening check out Fox Movie Channel. They will be showing Patton during the Oscar preshow fluf and Young Frankenstein and High Anxiety during the Oscar telecast. I think my family will be watching those movies, or maybe we will watch a couple season 2 episodes of Babylon 5.

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