Monday, March 20, 2006

Impossible Questions

I was getting ready for work this morning and had FoxNews on the television. I wasn’t looking at the screen I was just listening to the talking heads on the screen as they were talking about the 3rd anniversary of the beginning of the Iraq War.
Then I heard some twit say, “What still amazes me is that we are 3 years into this war and the President is still giving speeches trying to defend his policies in Iraq.”

Of course the President is still giving speeches defending his policy on Iraq. He has to do this because clowns like him never stop using every second of airtime they can get to attack the President’s policy on Iraq.

Then this nitwit goes on to explain that asking questions should not be considered unpatriotic. He felt that loyal Americans have the responsibility to keep asking questions like: When will this war end? When are we bringing our troops home? and How many more will die before we bring them home?

I didn’t hear, and wasn’t able to see the screen to see who this nitwit was but I’m going to answer his three impossible questions. But then I would like him to answer three questions for me.

When will this war end?

Planning a specific date to end a war is only possible if you are the side that surrenders. Because until one side either surrenders or is completely eliminated the war cannot end. Since we cannot predict when our enemy is going to surrender or be completely eliminated. Then we can only assume that as a “loyal American” you are asking when we are going to surrender.

When are we bringing our troops home?

Our combat troops will come home when the job is done. We will have other troops stationed in Iraq for probably decades. Our last war with Germany ended on May 8, 1945. We still have over 70,000 troops in Germany. Our war with Japan ended on September 2, 1945. We still have over 8000 troops in Japan. Our war with North Korea ended on July 27, 1953. We still have over 20,000 troops stationed in South Korea. Our war with North Vietnam ended on April 30, 1975. We don’t have any troops stationed in Vietnam. Vietnam was the only war that we lost. At any one time we have about 200,000 troops stationed on foreign soil. If history is to be believed, the only way we will bring all our troops home from Iraq is to lose the war. As to when that will happen, see your first question. The only side that can accurately schedule the end of a war is the losing side.

How many more will die before we bring them home?

This is war, soldiers die. We don’t like it. We will do everything we can to minimize the number of American deaths. But the only way to absolutely assure that no more troops die is to end the war and bring them all home. But that gets us back to your first two questions and like them the only way to satisfy your question is for the United States to lose this war.

So there is the answer to your three impossible questions.

Now I get my three questions:

Do you still beat your wife?

What is the airspeed of an unladen African swallow?

Deep down in your soul you are really a disloyal, unpatriotic American who wants us to lose this war or you are truly so stupid and misguided that you think we can pack up and go home and the terrorists will just leave us alone. Which is it?

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